2011 RCA Secret Postcards Revealed

Now that this year's RCA Secret has come to an end I can reveal my entries. This year I entered three drawings under my given name, Wayne Chisnall, and three painted and drawn-over Swirly Skull prints under my nickname, Chig.

To see all six postcards just go to my Oodles of Doodles blog.


And to find out the names of the artists behind any of this year's artwork you can still view this year's cards online.

No, You Just Have to Wait!

Heard this while leaving Starbucks this morning...

Sometimes HP's voice sounds remarkably like Diana Ross...

LOL

Puns and Jokes Part 3

When the Liberty Bell was forged, the Philadelphia city council decided to celebrate the inauguration by having a pie baking competition.
There would be two categories. The best bell-shaped pie and the best overall pie. Competition was furious but all ended well as one of the winners was a popular senior nun from their local community who baked a superb vegetable dish. It had to be.
Everybody knows that Mother Teresa Wins No Bell Peas Pie.

There was a snake called Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary lever. It was the lever that if moved would destroy the world. Nate took his job very seriously. He let nothing get close to the lever.
One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!
Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that is was better Nate than lever.

There was this really smart sheep down in Mexico who knew how to make butter and buttermilk. One night she sneaked across the border and got a job working for a farmer, who set up a roadside stand and told her to try to sell the stuff. Unfortunately traffic was very heavy and the sight of this sheep making butter and buttermilk was so distracting that naturally there was an accident.
The police investigated and issued the farmer a citation for attempting to make an illegal ewe churn on a busy highway.

There's this stage play in which the first act is about a cancelled lunar mission, and in the second, an actor has a number of lines to deliver in the role of a scam artist named Kohl.
The first act comes off ok, but as Act II begins, the stage hand who is supposed to hold up the cue cards is not around, and nobody knows where he is.
The actor who plays the scam artist is upset, and grumbles: "We can send a missile to the moon, but we can't find a cuer for the con-man Kohl!"

Jane lived in Hollywood, California, and Julie lived in Miami, Florida. They both could afford to have their hair done by Pierre in St. Louis.
One day they both decided to have their hair done. They both called Pierre but he told them that he had only one spot left and that whoever would get there first could have it.
Jane hopped into her private jet and Julie hopped into her own helicopter. Jane had to emergency land in Denver, but Julie made it to St. Louis for her hair appointment.
The moral of the story is, the whirlybird gets the perm.

Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care.
But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trouser's owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trouser's masters. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope.
Seeing the sheer horror on his masters' faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clown's leg.
Trouser immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the man's foul essence from his mouth.
For Trouser had learned that a mime is a terrible thing to taste.

A chipmunk walked into a hardware store because he was redoing his bar. He asked the clerk where he could get one of those tabletops that opens and shuts on a hinge.
The clerk wasn’t sure. So the chipmunk said, “Yeah, you know, the kind those blue jays above me have”.
“Oh”, said the clerk, “You mean closing counters of the bird kind!”

Puns and Jokes Part 2

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.
The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide.
A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.
Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.
"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"
The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.
After leading the band for many years, Benny began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.
When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire. The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."
Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.
Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.
The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.
Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines.
After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem.
Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king.
Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use the roopes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him.
The wise men of the island recognized a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones."

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

A woman answered the knock at her door and found a destitute man. He wanted to earn money by doing odd jobs, so she asked, "Can you paint?"
"Yes," he said, "I'm a pretty good painter."
"Well, here's a gallon of green paint and a brush. Go behind the house and you'll see a porch that needs repainting. Be very careful. When you are done, I'll look it over and pay you what it's worth."
It wasn't more than an hour before he knocked again. "All finished!" he reported with a smile.
"Did you do a good job?" she asked.
"Yes, but lady, there's one thing I'd like to point out to you. That's not a Porsche back there. That's a Mercedes."

A businessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. His wife, after taking care of work-related matters, would fly there as well. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short email back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address, JennJohn@world.net.
Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the email ended up going to JeanJohn@world.net.
A Jean Johnson in Duluth was the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the email and promptly fainted.
It read, "Arrived safely, all prepared for your arrival. Sure is hot down here!"

During Nicaragua's war between the Sandinistas and the Contras, an American speech therapist decided to help the Contras.
After his arrival, he spoke with an officer in the army and asked, "What can I do to help?"
"You're in speech therapy?" was the reply. "How about helping with some Contra diction?"

A young man had been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for several years.
One day the supermarket got new orange juice machines.
The bag boy was excited and asked the manager if he could work the juice machines.
The manager turned him down.
The bag boy said, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?"
The manager said, "I'm sorry, but baggers can't be juicers."

A Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman and Chinese man are taking a flight from Glasgow, Scotland to Paris.
The Scotsman looks out the window and says, "Ahhh, now there's a wonderful piece of Scotland".
A little farther, the Englishman puts down his teacup and looks out the window and remarks, "Oooh, what a wonderful piece of England".
Farther still, the Irishman glances down and points, "now there's a wonderful piece of Ireland".
The Chinese man is feeling distinctly far from home, so he smashes his window, throws out a saucer, and says with a big smile, "now there's a piece of china".

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"
The sailor picked up the broom and started to sweep the chain.
Just then, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss.
The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result.
He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the silly bird came back.
When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.
"What on earth have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

In the 1900s an English town had fallen on really hard times. For decades its primary industry had been its textile mills, but now the mills were all closed and unemployment was at an all-time high.
Desperate, the town's mayor looked frantically around for other industries to bring to his town. He found that there was a man in Germany who was looking for someone to take over his thriving hunting dog breeding business. The man had made a fortune raising the animals and was not willing to unload it for a fraction of its value, so that he could retire.
The mayor used his influence to have the mills converted to kennels and all of the dogs transported to his town. Employment skyrocketed and the town prospered. Everyone was happy, even though, sometimes--especially on the nights with a full moon--the animals got a little noisy, keeping some residents awake.
But, even these unfortunate few learned to sigh and say, "The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich".

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Paints were a very precious quantity in the good old days, and British merchants could make a young fortune supplying paints to the colonies.
One company sent a clipper ship full of red paint across the ocean. It had the very bad luck to collide with another ship full of blue paint.
As a result of this disaster, both crews were... marooned.

There was this snail that wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went along to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, 'Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail.'
The Snail was OK about this is so he entered the race. The race started and the snail's car was at the back...but suddenly he sped to the front, over-taking all the cars and won!
As the spectators saw the Snail speed past them, they yelled 'WOW! LOOK AT THAT S-CAR GO!'

A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig.
The little hog laughed to see such sport and the sow jumped over the coon.

The Symphony Orchestra was playing a concert in the park. They were in the middle of Beethoven´s 9th Symphony. The basses, in the back of the orchestra, decided they had a few minutes to spare before being asked to play anything, so they ran across the street to the pub for some ale. It was a windy day, so they found some string to wrap around their music stands to secure their music while they were gone. Once at the tavern, they could hear the music and keep up with the progress of the piece.
After a few rounds, they decided that they had to hurry because the last movement of the ninth symphony was under way. They stumbled back onto the bandstand and were fumbling with the string, trying to get it loose, but not having much success. The conductor saw what was happening and instantly sized up the situation: it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the basses were loaded.

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

These three strings are walking along, dying of thirst in the middle of Death Valley. After a long, long trek. They come to a bar.
"Boy, this is just in time...I can't go any farther." So he walks into the bar and orders a drink.
"Can't you read the sign there? We don't serve no strings here" bellows the bartender.
"But I'm going to die of thirst" protests the string.
With that the bartender picks him up, and throws him out into the street.
One of his buddies says "I'll disguise myself as a rope and go in to get us a drink." So, in he goes.
"Hey, I thought I told your friend that we don't serve your kind here. Now get out that door before I stomp on you!" So he quickly retreats out the door.
Finally the last string says "Hey, I've got an idea...I'll tie myself up like a pretzel, and frizzle out my ends, so he won't recognize me." So in he goes into the bar. He gets up to the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender eyes him a little suspiciously. "Hey, aren't you one of those strings I told to get out of here?"
To which the string answered "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.
"Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

A man had a dog called Minton. One day it ate two shuttlecocks. When the owner found out, he said "bad Minton!"

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm. He says to the bartender, "One for me and one for the road."

Sighing, the professor rapidly scanned the English 101 term paper on "Early American Railways" submitted by the class dunce, determined almost at a glance that large portions had been lifted verbatim and without attribution from Clemens' "The Gilded Age" and "Innocents Abroad." He assigned a failing mark to the pathetic fraud, and scrawled in red across the cover sheet, "Come, sir, this is TOO, TOO TWAIN."

Puns and Jokes

WARNING: Excessive consumption may cause breathing difficulties and shortage of oxygen due to constant laughter.

1. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

2. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

3. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

4. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

5. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

6. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

7. Every calendar's days are numbered.

8. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

9. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

10. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

11. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

12. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

15. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

16. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

17. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

18. Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to their ankles.

19. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

20. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.

21. To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.

22. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.

23. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.

24. Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.

25. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

26. When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.

27. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

28. He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.

29. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

30. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

31. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

32. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.

33. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

34. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

35. If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack, don't yell out, “Hi Jack!“

36. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

37. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

38. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

39. Old power plant workers never die; they just de-generate.

40. While delivering 1000 gallons of dark pigment, he almost painted, then blacked out.

41. Some people who refinish kitchens could be known as counter-fitters.

42. A bank manager without anyone around may find themself a-loan.

43. Somebody was running a flea circus, but a dog came and stole the show.

44. He was hired at age 70. They put him in a senior position.

45. The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

46. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

47. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

48. Some people go into martial arts just for kicks.

49. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

50. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

51. He bent over to pick up a sieve and strained himself.

52. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

53. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

54. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

55. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

56. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

57. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

58. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

59. Tennis players don't marry because Love means Nothing to them.

60. A backwards poet writes inverse.

61. Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

62. If a town's people have low IQs is the population dense?

63. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.

64. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.

65. Math teachers have lots of problems.

66. An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.

67. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

68. Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.

69. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

70. When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "this one is on me."

71. There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.

72. Some people's noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. 7

73. The poet had written better poems, but he'd also written verse.

74. A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.

75. When chemists die, we barium.

76. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

77. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

78. Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.

79. Alcohol and calculus don't mix, so don't drink and derive.

80. We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay attention.

81. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

82. Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely!

83. When the waiter was asked if crabs were served in his restaurant he replied - oh yes ... we serve anybody!

84. Two blackberries met. They were both in a jam.

85. A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

86. Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.

87. I really do have a photographic memory -- I just haven't developed it yet.

88. We found a dead crow in our front yard but have yet to hear the caws of death.

89. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.

90. Some people don't like food going to waist.

91. Vinyl records are really groovy.

92. Nylons give women a run for their money.

93. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

94. If every car in the country were white you would live in a white carnation.

95. A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.

96. Father and son love sunflower seeds, and the son is the spitting image of his dad.

97. If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another.

98. When the glassblower inhaled he got a pane in the stomach.

99. He told me he could eat a 32-ounce steak, but I found that hard to swallow.

100.If you say you have bad skin, I'd say that was a pore excuse.

101.A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

102.Acupuncture is a jab well done.

103.When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber.

104.He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.

105.A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

106.Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

107.Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.

108.Soldiers in plays like to Shakespeares.

109.Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

110.Some burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity.

111.He became a vegetarian because he couldn't make ends meat.

112.A painter's joke may be off-color while a cook's might be tasteless.

113.The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

114.Are evil wildebeests bad gnus?

115.Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

116.Some children think that their parents are all no-ing.

117.Skipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.

118.At a pet store: 'buy one, get one flea'.

119.119. An auctioneer often looks forbidding.

120.A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'.

121.In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

122.A pun is its own reword.

123.You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

124.When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.

125.An archaeologist's career ended in ruins.

126.Those who play team sports usually have a ball.

127.A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

128.Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.

129.A guy became so good with a chainsaw that he was promoted to branch manager.

130.To termites, a group of dead trees is an arbor eat'um. (Arboretum- greenhouse)

131.A prisoner is someone who stands behind his convictions.

132.A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.

133.Old milkmaids never die; they just kick the bucket.

134.If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?

135.Old burglars never die; they just steal away.

136.Two crooks bought a hotel. They were inn-mates.

137.It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles and kittens all over the road.

138.In a bakery, buns usually play a small role.

139.A math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.

140.Lawyers wear law suits.

141.If you can’t sleep, move to the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

142.He worked at a factory making eyeglasses and was pushed into the machine. He made a spectacle of himself. He was framed.

143.A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.

144.Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

145.When writing music for some instruments it is hard to piccolo note.

146.A man who rode in a carpool felt sick whenever they passed under a certain tunnel. His doctor diagnosed this as carpool tunnel syndrome.

147.Old skiers never die -- they just go down hill.

148.Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.

149.Those who study the moon are optimists. They look at the bright side.

150.Archers study arrow dynamics.

151.A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

152.A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.

153.For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

154.When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

155.It's tough to be in the internet gambling computer business when the chips are down.

156.If you think you are a set of curtains, either see a psychiatrist or pull yourself together.

157.To become an electrician you have to pass a battery of tests.

158.Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.

159.Advertisement: 'New study on obesity looks for larger test group.'

160.The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.

161.Old programmers never die; they just can't C as well.

162.In order to talk to a Viking you need to know Norse code.

163.A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.

164.Two podiatrists became arch rivals.

165.A plateau is a high form of flattery.

166.If you hear it from the horse's mouth you're listening to a neigh sayer.

167.The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent.

168. A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"

169.Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.

170.He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.

171.The cannibal's cookbook titled 'How to Better Serve your Fellow Man' was written by a guy who had a wife and ate kids.

172.Don't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's plane food.

173.Studying fungus is a way to mould young minds.

174.Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece?

175.A cannibal's favourite game is 'swallow the leader'.

176.Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.

177.A couple of ambulance drivers are a paramedics.

178.Those who do not want to be counted have taken leave of their census.

179.Never lie to a x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

180.The drunk said I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

181.Gardeners always know the ground rules.

182.If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.

183.Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.

184.A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.

185.Dermatologists often make rash statements.

186.Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.

187.Bill Gates took advantage of his Windows of opportunity

188.When they bought a waterbed, the couple started to drift apart.

189.Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.

190.He put bug spray on his watch to get rid of the ticks.

191.An alien landed at a soft drink company and said 'take me to your liter'.

192.When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.

193.A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time called a four loaf cleaver.

194.When a college dormitory exploded a lot of roomers were flying.

195.Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

196.A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

197.A letter carrier career is a mail-dominated profession.

198.When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.

199.Old grocers never die; they just get shelved.

200.They wanted to hold a vigil, but no one could hold a candle to him.

I look forward to when Violet tries to be this tricky

Posted on Reddit under "My 7 year olds first attempt at forging a note from me to my wife. Nailed it?"

Set the Tone: Know What You Want

"If you don’t know what you want, don’t say you never had a chance" 

— Napoleon Hill

Muppets 2011

Well, it's not bad...

The Muppets

But you don't want to go in with high expectations...

Think Nostalgia... And goofy, silly, hokey fun... You know: Muppet-ish.

Kermit the Frog goes through his Rolodex (!) and calls the White House looking for President Carter, for example...

The typical fun cameos... Wish they'd done more with Mickey Rooney (!) when they were setting up the "Let's all get together and put on a show" theme...

Unfortunately, not even the Muppets can't make Whoopi Goldberg look less smarmy.

And some folk in the know will definitely be aware of the voice differences from the new performers behind the classic characters...  

Steve Whitmire has made Kermit his own...

But Miss Piggy misses the mark, and the shots of her full bodied are grotesque and jarring...

Appreciation for Dave Goelz back as the original Gonzo and Waldorf.

Episode Games 2011 - Minion's Revenge

The people behind the Transition Camp 2011 have posted the Minion's Revenge movie on Youtube. Yayy!!... however no bloopers like they promised :-(

Oh, well, here you go:

Friday Nov 25, 2011 VGP Newsletter

Check out our latest newsletter CLICK HERE

SOUL CALIBUR V COLLECTOR'S EDITION PRE-ORDERS OPEN

We have just opened up pre-orders on both:

Soul Calibur V (5) Collector's Edition - PS3 (Preorder) [LIMIT 1 PER CUSTOMER]

Soul Calibur V (5) Collector's Edition - 360 (Preorder) [LIMIT 1 PER CUSTOMER]

Soul Calibur V Collector's Edition Includes

*SOULCALIBUR V Collectors keepsake packaging modeled after the book used in the series designed by the development team
*Limited edition hardcover artbook featuring the gorgeous artwork from SOULCALIBUR V
*SOULCALIBUR V Music CD Soundtrack
*SOULCALIBUR V DLC - Exclusive Dark Knight and White Knight armor costumes for the Character Creation Mode costumes
*Making of videos with a behind the scenes look at the development of the game with the SOULCALIBUR V development team and game trailers

Our quantities are confirmed and are limited so if you're interested in the collector edition don't hestitate to order. Limit 1 Per Customer!

Here's that Thanksgiving Sunset View

Here's that twilight view from last night's party. Just realized I could post it to Blogger from my Smartphone... The post about the dinner appears below this one...

Thanksgiving Friday

Had a great T-giving Dinner with close friends in midtown Manhattan. A spectacular twilight view of the sunset over the Hudson River...

I stuck to the vegetarian side dishes...

Shredded beets and carrots in a ginger sauce were terrific. And some kind of a whole grain provided nutty protein. Mashed potatoes. A couple bits of yam. Wonderful fresh string beans with almonds. And home made applesauce made with three kinds of local apples.

Dessert? Hell, yeah... It was a holiday...

Some kind of dark chocolate peanut butter fudge... Fresh peach pie. Not too sweet pumpkin pie was perfect. Cake too. And oatmeal cookies.

Let's call it cheat day!

OK...

Meanwhile, the bracelet is from createjobsforUSA.org project affiliated with Starbucks...

Like it?

Tattoos and Toys

I'm pleased to announce that I've been invited to exhibit my toy tower sculpture, Magnet, in the new Urban Curations exhibition. The show is curated by Infinity Bunce in conjunction with Triple X Tattoo.

Unfortunately I won't be able to make it to the opening night on Saturday 3rd December as I'll still be in Miami for Art Basil but do feel free to pop along if you happen to be in the area.

The venue is Netil House, Studio 206, 1-7 Westgate Street, London E8 3RL, England.

Happy Macy Thanksgiving Parade Day!

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving...

Or a happy "National Attitude to Gratitude Day".

Don't eat too much!

Peace to All!!

NEW PS3 CAMO DUAL SHOCK 3 NOW IN STOCK

We have received a shipment of the new PLAYSTATION 3 DUAL SHOCK 3 Controller Urban Camo - PS3 (In stock usually ships within 24hrs) . What better way to pwn someone than with a sick new PS3 camouflage controller.

IN STOCK NOW SHIPPING!!

Brief summary of PSLE aggregate scores (if you are agreeable)

Yay! I've been made a co-author of the 6-8 2011 blog!

...

Oh, right, you don't know who I am. It's me, Devesh. The guy who in a shocking twist of events got 252 and managed to get a place along with all the other top scorers and get my photo taken and... well, you get the gist.

Since Mdm Toh will be teaching a new class next year (duh) and will therefore be maintaining a new class blog, she will no longer be able to run this one. Therefore, I have been tasked with the job of keeping the blog alive. So that is what I'll do. Armed with my external HDD, my lousy Dell laptop, and my shattered iPod touch -- OK, not that -- I will be keeping the blog alive. So this first post is going to be a summary of the aggregate scores of everyone in the class -- that is, if you choose to divulge your aggregate score. I understand some of you may not want to reveal this information for whatever reason, and I respect that. But if you're okay with it, then go ahead and put your score in the comments!

Okay, enough yabbering, here's the list:

DEVESH LOGENDRAN: 252, 2A* and 1A

MAISARAH: 229, 4A

MDM TOH: (this was about 28 years ago, don't be shocked) 361, 3A and 1A*

The Annual Macy's Balloon Inflation

One of New York City's special Thanksgiving events is the Annual Macy Balloon Inflation that takes place on Thanksgiving-eve...

The action takes place on the Upper West Side in the side streets surrounding the American Museum of Natural History... And is usually heavily crowded by families and young kids...

They'll inflate these big guys all night long prior to launching on Thanksgiving morning for the famous parade... A tradition dating back to 1927...

Here are some shots from this year's festivities...

Happy 'Worst Travel Day of The Year' 2011

AAA tells us that 42.5 Million people will be driving, flying or taking a train or bus to their their Thanksgiving destinations this year...

I'm thankful that I'll be walking around the corner for my Thanksgiving Dinner with friends!

Retailers are worried that Holiday sales will be in the dumper due to Congressional inability to come to terms on the budget. I'm grateful I'm not a retailer. I'm also grateful that I'm not in Congress.

Today is a Gridlock Alert Day in New York City... Actually the "Worst Traffic Day of the Year"

I'm grateful that I do not own a car...

Waaaay too many people are unemployed this Thanksgiving weekend... I'm grateful to have a job...

Some retailers are planning to open on Thanksgiving Night... Some workers aren't happy about this.

I'm also grateful to have the next couple of days off...

Add to that gratitude list the continuing good health of loved ones (and myself) and I'm one big grateful turkey today...

Hope you have a healthy dose of gratitude this holiday weekend in your life too!...

Set the Tone: Right Place, Right Time

"If you're in the present moment with an open heart, then by definition you're 'at the right place at the right time.'"
- Marianne Williamson

PSLE Results @ 24.11.2011

Dear Class

The reporting time this Thursday is 1130. See you in the school hall!

Yours
Mdm Toh

When You're On the Net, On the Net You Will Stay

Web Site Story

This won a Webby Award for Best Writing and Comedy: Individual Short or Episode

RCA Secret Artists' Party 2011

Last night saw the RCA Secret's eighteenth birthday launched with a party and Champagne reception, as a thank you to all the artists that have supported the project.

As usual the show is held in the Royal College of Art's Gulbenkian Galleries in Kensington Gore, London SW7 2EU and the same rules apply. The original postcard-sized artworks produced by internationally acclaimed artists and up-and-coming graduates from the RCA will be on display for a week before going on sale to the public.

The 'secret' part of the show is that the cards are only signed on the reverse, keeping the artwork's author a mystery (although I know a few dedicated RCA Secret fans who usually work out pretty much who's produced what) up until the point that the card is purchased. Each card is priced at £45 and a maximum of for cards may be purchased per person but if you fancy joining the queue I suggest you get there early as I already saw one person camped out last night (a week ahead of the opening). Oh yes – and you'll have to register first.

If you can't make it to the show before the opening fear not as you can view this year's cards online.

As per usual, I've submitted three separate cards under both of my names,' Wayne Chisnall' and 'Chig'. Is that wrong? - I think not. There are no prizes this year for guessing which ones are mine as I think that most of them are pretty obvious. But do feel free to drop me a line if think you've worked them out and want to assess you powers of deduction.

Here's a photo of me at the party with the photographer, Rosie Mayell, obviously enjoying the Champagne a bit too much.

Unfortunately I won't be able to make it to the opening of this year's show on Saturday 26th of this month as I'll be jetting off to Miami for the opening of Art Basel. I'm looking forward to a few days of driving round the Florida Keys in a convertible (and possibly doing a spot of alligator wrestling) before hitting the fair for arty brunches, parties and exhibitions. I've already packed my best Don Johnson/Miami Vice outfit (circa 1984).